“I found I was more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s definition of beauty and started being my own” – Remington Miller
I am doing something I have only done once in my life before. But this time on a larger scale. I am posting pictures of myself in a swimsuit. On the internet. Not just Facebook, for my friends and family to see, but for the whole world to potentially see. And for the first time I don’t feel anxious. I feel very carefree and kind of proud, because finally I love myself.
Since I was seven years old, I always felt like I was fat. I remember everyone getting weighed and measured at school. Everyone having a polaroid taken for a poster that would be displayed during open house. I then remember looking around the room and realizing that everyone was much less heavy than I was. My seven year old self didn’t realize I was also much taller than my classmates. So I felt awful and didn’t want other people noticing my weight on the poster. So I placed a sticker over it.
For the first time in my life, at the age of seven, I was ashamed of my body and weight. Through the years I tried numerous diets and I lost weight, then gained it back. I received much praise every time I lost weight. I looked beautiful, I was told. So I kept repeating the vicious yo-yo dieting cycle.
As I became an adult, I still encountered people telling me I was fat or I would be prettier if I lost weight. I remember being on a date and as I passed a table of young women seated in the restaurant, hearing them say: “I don’t get what he sees in her. I mean she is cute, but fat.” I was kind of devastated.
My lowest point was when I started blogging three years ago and someone posted a comment that said: You are disgusting. Lose some weight. I lost my motivation for my blog. Why would I want to subject anyone to my “disgusting” self. I went down a deep dark hole. I couldn’t be a blogger, the one thing I wanted most, because I hated my body.
Then I realized that my problem was that I hated my body. If I hated myself then how would anyone else love me? I needed to find a way to love myself no matter what others said to me. But how? I did something unusual. I went on Instagram and read the comments under pictures of the people I and most of society find beautiful. During the process I discovered something, even those people were bombarded with negative comments. All of these amazing people were either too skinny, too fat, ugly, they had weird legs, or some other kind of awful according to the internet. I realized then and there, that no matter what there will always be someone who finds something wrong with you.
I also discovered so many amazing and beautiful people in the world. Bloggers of all sizes, ages and backgrounds. All of them confident, stylish and beautiful. I discovered all of these people, and that really motivated me to start doing what I love most again, blogging. With these new role models, along with the voices of support from my mom (always stylish, outspoken and unique), boyfriend (supportive, open-minded, and a killer photographer) and my mentor Sheila (smart, motivational and extremely aspirational), I found my groove and I am back blogging again. Most importantly I learned that no matter who doesn’t love you, you have to love yourself. Today I can proudly say I love my body and I love myself! Thank you all!
I hope everyone learns to love themselves, treat yourself kindly and rock it everyday!